Monday, January 2, 2012

Raise Your Hopeful Voice

I've mentioned my obsession for Eat Pray Love before.  At one point in the film, Ketut, the elderly (or not so) Balinese Fortuneteller tells Liz she should "smile" through her meditation.  I have failed miserably at any form of meditation, prayer or mind-travel.  Always. The scene in the movie where Liz tries to meditate and all she can do is think about decorating her new meditation room doesn't even come close to how lousy I am at focusing my thoughts. Years ago, when I was responsible for every toilet in our company (around 50; I was the Property Manager) someone arranged a "mini-vacation" brown bag lunch at our home office.  I thought that sounded nice.  So I packed my lunch, arranged to fix toilets in the morning and showed up for the "mini-vacation". Wow.  What a mess that became. As the "mini-vacation guru" described my beachfront destination I quickly descended into desolate, inconsolable depression. And began sobbing uncontrollably. In front of my entire HR department.  It was pathetic.  I had to run out (never ate my lunch) and sat outside for at least 45 minutes to calm down.  When I returned to my office, the mini-vacation lady (read: evil negative thought provoking lady) was waiting for me. I actually made eye contact.  She started: "Are you ok?"..."um, yeah."  "This happens every time"..."Really?".. "Yes, really. There is always someone in the room that is running so hard they never let anything catch up with them...when they finally slow down enough for that to happen, it washes over them like a wave and they are swallowed up by it."

I was laying in bed tonight with my headphones on and listening to music and I realized I had a smile on my face.  Maybe we just need to find our proper form of "mini-vacation" to escape to.  Maybe mine is music.

"Words fall through me and always fool me and I can't react.  And games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out.

Take this sinking boat and point it home; we've still got time.
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice;
you make it now. Falling slowly." ~ Glen Hansard

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